I enjoyed Becca's post on Gender & Equality over at My Soul Delighteth.  Take a look if your into that kind of thing.  She may not have answers, but she gave me some good stuff to think about.

Limiting My Distractions

One of my Facebook friends linked to "How to Miss a Childhood" mainly about parents being overly attached to and distracted by their phones and not their children.  I don't have a smart phone, heck, I don't even have texting turned on!  But, the advice still hit home when it comes to projects and other interests.  In fact, while working in the yard tonight, I remembered I needed to be more engaged with my kids who wanted to show me the cool tricks they could do on the swing and how fast they could go down the slide.  Here are some tips from the article that I want to remember:

How to Miss a Childhood

• Keep your phone turned on at all times of the day. Allow the rings, beeps, and buzzes to interrupt your child midsentence; always let the caller take priority.
• Carry your phone around so much that when you happen to leave it in one room your child will come running with it proudly in hand & treating it more like a much needed breathing apparatus than a communication device.
• Decide the app you're playing is more important than throwing the ball in the yard with your kids. Even better, yell at them to leave you alone while you play your game.
• Take your children to the zoo and spend so much time on your phone that your child looks longingly at the mother who is engaged with her children and wishes she was with her instead.
• While you wait for the server to bring your food or the movie to start, get out your phone and stare at it despite the fact your child sits inches away longing for you talk to him.
• Go to your child's sporting event and look up periodically from your phone thinking she won't notice that you are not fully focused on her game.
• Check your phone first thing in the morning ... even before you kiss, hug, or greet the people in your family.
• Neglect daily rituals like tucking your child into bed or nightly dinner conversation because you are too busy with your online activity.
• Don't look up from your phone when your child speaks to you or just reply with an "uh huh" so she thinks you were listening.
• Lose your temper with your child when he "bothers" you while you are interacting with your hand-held electronic device.
• Give an exasperated sigh when your child asks you to push her on the swing. Can't she see you're busy?
• Use drive time to call other people regardless of the fact you could be talking to your kids about their day, or about their worries, their fears, or their dreams.
• Read email and text messages at stoplights. Then tell yourself that when your kids are old enough to drive they won't remember you did this all the time.
• Have the phone to your ear when she gets in or out of the car. Convince yourself a loving hello or goodbye is highly overrated.

Follow this recipe and you will have:

• Missed opportunities for human connection
• Fewer chances to create beautiful memories
• Lack of connection to the people most precious to you
• Inability to really know your children and them unable to know you

How to Grasp a Childhood:

• Look into her eyes when she speaks to you. Your uninterrupted gaze is love to your child.
• Take time to be with him & really be with him by giving your full attention. The gift of your total presence is love to your child.
• Hold his hand, rub her back, and smooth his hair. Your gentle touch is love to your child.
• Greet her like you missed her when she was not in your presence. Seeing your face light up when you see her is love to your child.
• Play with him. Your involvement in his activities is love to your child.
• Set an example of being distraction-free while driving. Positive role modeling behind the wheel is love (and safety) to your child.
• Create a distraction-free daily ritual. Consistently making him a priority each day is love to your child.
• Talk to him. Ask him about his day. Listening to what he has to say is love to your child.
• Focus and smile at her from the stands or the audience. Seeing the joy on your face as you watch is love to your child.

Does a SAHM benefit society?

I just read an interesting post at Wheat and Tares called We Don't Value Motherhood.  Parts of it seemed a little conspiracy-theorist to me, but it did have some good points.  One fault, I think, was the leaning on using monetary gain/economics to measure success.  One commenter (Bonnie) pointed out that "the PotF [Proclamation on the Family] ... replaces economics with family as the center of a healthy focus" reminding us that we don't need to measure success by money.

Bonnie also left a comment about how she works with under-privileged single-parent families and how a SAHM (in a 2-parent family) is a great benefit, even if not easily measured:

...The issues of contributing to society are wholly separate, IMO, from economic issues and I’m just so tired of everything having to boil down to a dollar value. I am a working mom, and I’ve had to leave my children in order to make sure we eat. It is much harder to be there for things that they need someone to be there for, and those things make for stable adults who have fewer health problems ... a better sense of their place in the world, better emotional health, better communication skills, and better problem resolution abilities. I spend a lot of time praying that the time I’m there is sufficient.

Before the working moms unload on me (I’m one of you, just in case that wasn’t obvious in what I already said), for crying out loud, OF COURSE I’m not saying that any lazy, TV-watching, kids-yelling, bon-bon-eating person with female organs is all that is required for children to arrive neatly-combed and diplomaed into adulthood. But we increase the stability of children when they have a strong parental influence all day (as is age-appropriate), especially in the earliest years.

 I KNOW we are all doing our best. I’m saying that in ideal situations, a nurturing influence (male or female) during the under-7 years who is able to address situations immediately with very impressionable children creates the best hope for self-calming adults. Lack of self-speech, or the ability to consider consequences and make short-term sacrifices, is the single most important component holding a family in the grip of generational poverty. Moms who are focused on this can do this. And moms who are supported by dads and a society to do this don’t lose their minds.

I know, hawkgrrrl, that you are not a fan of role division, but I am, not just because the church “says so” but because in cultures where there is a lot of poverty, when this nuclear unit can function with role division, poverty goes. ETB said that you don’t take people out of the slums, you take the slums out of people. That’s what we have to do. I think role-division can really help with this, and the benefits to society are no less crucial just because they’re less measurable.

Also in a comment, the author of the post mentioned how she doesn't mind role division (splitting up parenting duties), but does mind role prescription (being told what one must do/like, etc.).  I've heard that a lot on blogs, but honestly, I can't say I've ever felt that.  I'd vomit if anyone made me, or told me that I should scrapbook because I'm a girl.  No one's ever told me I shouldn't mountain bike or sheet rock or go to college because I'm a girl.  Have you felt pushed in to liking/doing certain things because of your sex?  Apparently it happens, but I missed that one I guess.

In regards to staying home and being a primary nurturer, there are some pretty strong factors that make it more logical for the woman to stay home:  how about breast feeding and the evidence that females are likely better nurturers than males?

Family Funnies

My friend Polly blogs at Coming to Grips.  She writes funny stuff, and sometimes it is even family related.  I have a couple favorite posts I thought I'd share.

Go find out what a Fun Utility Vehicle (FUV) is, and see what her son said after his first bike crash.  She'll make you smile.

A Season for All Things

For some time I've been trying to remember which early feminist opted to focus on her family instead of the cause.  Yesterday, The Gift of Giving Life ran a little piece on Elizabeth Cady Stanton and the birth of her daughter, and I remembered, that's who it was!

You may recall that Stanton worked with Susan B. Anthony for women's rights in the mid 1800s (I'm not sure if I should really call them feminists, but in my mind they are).  According to my Women's History class notes from 1998, Anthony recognized the limitations of marriage and didn't want that.  Stanton was, however, married and had 7 children!  Even though these ladies had very different personal lives, they made a great team with Stanton doing a lot of the writing and Anthony doing a lot of the organizing and speaking.

Apparently, though, Stanton was "unwilling to commit to a vigorous travel schedule until her children were grown."  I can't find it in my notes, but I seem to remember Anthony being a bit annoyed with this.  Personally, as a woman who chooses to stay home with her children, I find Stanton's willingness to put her children as a main priority quite refreshing.  It's nice to see that other women who could do great things sacrificed at least for a time.  So many of us get so anxious to get out of the home and do what we want; but it's all in its right time.  My kids are only young once, and now's my time to be with them.  (Honestly, though, this stay at home thing is starting to grow on me.  This domestic goddess stuff might start to come naturally one of these days!)

Have you ever struggled with your role as a woman?

Heather, from Women in the Scriptures, was featured today at The Mormon Women Project.  I just loved reading more about her.  She's great.  I know if both she and I have had some of the same struggles about being a woman and a mother, others may have too:

...When I was really young, I told my mom I wanted a cause. I remember thinking I should have been a suffragette. I was angry that in Young Women’s we’d spend our time doing cooking or quilting. (We did whitewater rafting and rock climbing, too, but somehow to my young mind that didn’t count!) I had read in history about women who did big, important things to change the world, and that’s who I wanted to be! History never tells you about the women who stay home and raise the babies. I thought you didn’t change the world by quilting....

Attitudes on Women and Family - A Cultural Thing

I remember when the internet got big and people talked about having on-line friends.  I thought, whatever, I will NEVER have those. That is so dumb.  Well, I eat my words.  I've met some super cool ladies through Facebook and blogging, and one's name is Tiffany.  She lives in Saudi Arabia and has 5 kids.

I used to be the type to gawk at people who had 5 kids and wonder, what were they thinking?  Well, Tiffany experienced that attitude from people like me when she lived in the states; however, since living in Saudi Arabia, she hasn't gotten it at all (at least from the locals).  Not only does she feel respected for having a family, and a larger one, but she also feels safer if she has at least one of her children with her when she's out!  She feels that people respect her for being a mother, and I suppose you could say don't persecute her for being a woman.  This is a country where in some places, like the one where Tiffany lives, women are required to wear black abayas to cover themselves when they go out.  The women also aren't even allowed to drive!

Anyway, Tiffany put up a nice post about an experience she had at the mall today.  She saw a mother from a distance with a pretty baby and motioned to the mother how pretty the baby was.  The mother and baby left after a while, but later came back, and the mother motioned for Tiffany to hold the baby.  Tiffany was pretty surprised as she just couldn't imagine anyone sharing their baby with a complete stranger in the U.S.!

Anyway, if you like reading about foreign experiences, pop on over to In a maze of beige.  You can learn a little bit about life for women and families in Saudi Arabia (and more).